Uh... lemme explain what I mean.

So, a lot has happened over the past near-two decades since I joined Newgrounds.

There have been ups, downs, lefts, rights, all sorts of things happened in my life that changed things rather drastically. I've moved states several times, I've gained and lost touch with friends I hold dear, I've become physically separated from my family and can't stop thinking about them day to day, but at the same time I know I can at least talk to them still thanks to mobile phones. In terms of music, I've come a long way since I started using FL Studio (back then just known as FruityLoops) all the way back in 2008. I've gained an ARSENAL of plugins, effects, patches, and sounds that I now have at my disposal, and my knowledge of how things go in terms of music (at least on the remixing side) has expanded greatly in the past decade alone. I've been through hell and high water with my jobs, my living situations, my family situations (I won't go into detail, but it's not all been cherries and whipped cream, folks), and just in general my mental and physical health. Still, no matter what has happened, I always come back here, where my music journey started. To every person, manmade object, and naturally-occurring stellar phenomenon out there who has been with me and supported me over this long journey, you have no idea how appreciative and thankful I really am for you all. You have been my rock, my support beam, my emergency chicken nugget.

I've been looking at some old posts I made, specifically some music reviews I've done when I was a snot-nosed teenager with walnuts for brains. "Oh lord, that was me," I've been saying to myself. It's hard to believe who I was back then compared to who I am now. I didn't really think I'd changed all that much, but seeing how I interacted with people, responded to certain comments and stressors, and comparing that to the me of today is as enlightening as it is embarrassing. It's hard to put it into words, but needless to say, I think I like the new me better. I was so emotionally charged back then, it was ridiculous. Yet, I also just... plain didn't like interacting with people that much. I only got close to a select few people on here, a few of whom I'm elated to see still alive and kicking like they did back then, and I've said some things back then that are... unbecoming. It's almost alarming how much I've changed since I was a teenager, and yet it feels like in some ways, I'm still that teenager.

But that's not all I wanted to say. Oh, no.

As you guys may know about me, I've been mainly doing remixes for many years now, since coming up with original stuff has been... difficult, shall we say. I've been under a simply massive creative block for what feels like forever, and while I do still get ideas for songs and such, they almost never come to be, so I've stuck with remixes and covers because that's what I know how to do at this time. As a result, though, it's allowed me to refine my work to an almost obnoxious degree, and that's reassuring to say the least. Still, part of me wonders if I'll ever get that truly creative side of me back, the one who had so many ideas that could be put to paper. Maybe one day I'll see that side of me again, but for now, I'm gonna at least do what I know I can do.

My musical journey was not without its... annoyances. I remember all too well one particular troll on here (name redacted for reasons) who I clashed with rather frequently. They were about as annoying as they could come, with obnoxious nothing tracks, being a general pompous ass, and really just being a thorn in my side. They even went so far as to use one of my tracks, "A Hero's Last Stand," and use it as a backing track for a diss track aimed at me. At the time I was just so done with him and his bullshit, but looking back on it now... it was kinda funny. It's so weird to me how one's thoughts can change after a shift in perspective, especially with age. I wonder what he's doing now... eh, who gives a fuck?

Worry not, though. I've still got several pieces I'm working on so I can get them out to you guys (yes, several, I am very indecisive). I'm currently working on a revisit of my Zelda Field Medley I made all the way back in 2017, and I plan to add at least one more song to it that I originally wanted to put in before. Stay tuned for that, would ya? Once again, I sincerely thank everyone who has supported me over these long years, and here's hoping there are many more to come, aye?

Stay beautiful, Newgrounds.

~~~~Shiverwar~~~~